What to Say to Your Ex: Scripts for Every Situation

Your heart is racing. You need to talk to your ex, and every word feels like it could make or break your chances.

Understanding what to say to your ex in different situations takes the guesswork out of these high-stakes conversations. This guide gives you actual scripts and phrases—not vague advice—for the moments when you need them most.

Whether you are initiating contact or responding to them, these scripts fit into the larger ex back strategy framework.

Before You Say Anything

Preparation matters more than the perfect words.

Check your emotional state:

• Are you calm enough to handle any response?
• Can you accept silence without spiraling?
• Will you be okay if this does not go as hoped?

Check your timing:

• Has enough time passed since the breakup?
• Are you reaching out for the right reasons?
• Is there a genuine reason for contact?

Check your expectations:

• One conversation will not fix everything
• Their response does not define your worth
• You are opening a door, not walking through it

If you cannot answer these positively, wait longer. Bad timing with perfect words is still bad timing.

Scenario: First Contact After No Contact

Know when to break no contact before using these scripts. Timing matters.

For more details on text message strategies, that guide complements these scripts.

Script 1: The Positive Memory

"I was at [place] today and it reminded me of [specific positive memory]. Made me smile. Hope you're doing well."

Script 2: The Shared Interest

"Just saw [something related to their interest]. Made me think of you. How have you been?"

Script 3: The Accomplishment

"Finally [achieved something they knew about]! Thought you'd appreciate knowing. Hope life is treating you well."

Script 4: The Simple Check-In

"Hey. Been thinking and wanted to say I hope you're doing good."

Key principles:

• Keep it light and low-pressure
• One to two sentences maximum
• End with something easy to respond to
• No relationship talk
• No "I miss you"

You can practice with AI conversation coach to refine your approach before sending.

Scenario: When They Reach Out First

They texted. Now what?

If they send something casual:

Their text: "Hey, how have you been?"

Your response: "Hey! I've been good, actually. Keeping busy with [brief update]. How about you?"

If they reference a memory:

Their text: "Remember when we [memory]? Made me laugh today."

Your response: "Ha! Yes, that was hilarious. Good memories. What made you think of it?"

If they ask to talk:

Their text: "Can we talk sometime?"

Your response: "Sure, I'd be open to that. What did you have in mind?"

Key principles:

• Match their energy—do not exceed it
• Respond within a few hours, not seconds
• Be warm but not overly eager
• Keep replies similar length to theirs
• Let them lead the conversation direction

Scenario: The "We Need to Talk" Conversation

When the relationship comes up directly—initiated by either of you.

If you want to acknowledge the past:

"I've thought a lot about what happened between us. I know I contributed to [specific issue]. I've worked on that, and I understand things more clearly now."

If they ask what you want:

"Honestly? I've missed you. But I'm also okay if this is just catching up. I'm not here to pressure you into anything."

If discussing what went wrong:

"I think we both made mistakes. I know I [your specific fault]. Looking back, I understand why that was hard for you."

If they bring up negative memories:

"You're right, that wasn't good. I've thought about that a lot. I was [acknowledge your fault without making excuses]."

Key principles:

• Own your part without over-apologizing
• Listen more than you talk
• Do not get defensive
• Stay calm even if it gets emotional
• Take breaks if needed

Scenario: Asking for Another Chance

When you are ready to put it out there.

The direct approach:

"I've really enjoyed reconnecting with you. I know we had issues, but I think we've both grown. I'd like to try again if that's something you'd consider."

Then stop talking. Let them respond.

If they say they need time:

"I understand. Take the time you need. I'm here if you want to talk more about it."

If they bring up concerns:

"That's fair. What would you need to see differently for this to work?"

If they say no:

"I appreciate your honesty. I'm glad we could talk about it."

Key principles:

• Be direct but not demanding
• Accept their answer gracefully
• Do not argue or try to convince
• Leave the door open without begging
• Maintain dignity regardless of outcome

Things to NEVER Say

These words destroy your chances:

"I can't live without you" — Pressure and desperation. Unattractive.

"No one will love you like I do" — Manipulative and untrue.

"After everything I did for you..." — Guilt-tripping. Creates resentment.

"You're making a mistake" — Dismissive. Assumes they are stupid.

"I've changed, I promise" — Empty words. Show change, do not announce it.

"Can we please just try?" — Begging. Removes your dignity.

"I know you still love me" — Presumptuous. Puts words in their mouth.

"If you really loved me, you would..." — Manipulation through conditional love.

Reading Their Response

How to interpret what they say back.

Positive signs:

• Quick, enthusiastic responses
• They ask follow-up questions
• They reference shared memories positively
• They suggest meeting up
• They keep conversations going

Neutral signs:

• Polite but brief responses
• They respond but do not initiate
• Surface-level conversation
• Neither warm nor cold

Negative signs:

• Very slow responses or none
• One-word answers
• Clearly trying to end conversations
• Mentioning they are seeing someone
• Explicitly asking for space

What to do with each:

For positive signs: Continue building slowly. Match their energy.

For neutral signs: Keep the door open, but do not push. Give space between contacts.

For negative signs: Accept their answer. Stop reaching out. Focus on yourself.

The words you say to your ex matter—but they matter less than your emotional state, your timing, and your genuine growth.

The best conversations happen when you approach them from a place of peace rather than desperation. When you truly are okay with any outcome, your words naturally carry the confidence and warmth that attracts rather than repels.

Use these scripts as starting points, not rigid formulas. Adapt them to your situation and your authentic voice. The goal is genuine connection, not reciting lines.