No Contact Rule After Breakup: How to Start Today (Step-by-Step)

Your relationship just ended. Maybe it was yesterday, maybe it was last week. Either way, you're hurting—and you're probably fighting the urge to text them right now.

The no contact rule after breakup isn't just about silence. It's about giving yourself the space to heal, regain clarity, and rebuild your sense of self. Research by Dr. Helen Fisher found that romantic rejection triggers the same brain responses as drug withdrawal. If your ex is the drug, no contact is going cold turkey.

This guide will walk you through exactly how to start—step by step. For a deeper understanding of the psychology behind this approach, check out our complete guide to no contact.

What Is the No Contact Rule After a Breakup?

Let's be clear about what we're doing here.

The no contact rule means intentionally stopping all communication with your ex for a set period of time:

• No texts or calls
• No social media interactions (likes, comments, DMs)
• No "checking in" through mutual friends
• No showing up at places hoping to run into them
• No responding to their attempts to reach you (with some exceptions)

What no contact is NOT:

The goal isn't to hurt them or win them back through games. It's to break the emotional addiction and give yourself room to breathe.

Step 1: Make the Decision

This is where most people fail. They start no contact but leave a mental back door open—"maybe just one text won't hurt" or "I'll see how I feel in a few days."

Commit fully. Half-measures don't work here.

Ask yourself:

• Am I doing this for my healing, not to manipulate my ex?
• Am I willing to feel uncomfortable for a few weeks to feel better for months?
• Do I understand that this will be hard—and that hard isn't the same as wrong?

Write down your "why." When the urge to reach out hits at 2am (and it will), you need something stronger than willpower. Your reasons might include:

• "I need space to figure out who I am outside this relationship"
• "Talking to them keeps reopening the wound"
• "I deserve someone who chooses me—not someone I have to convince"

Keep this somewhere visible. You'll need it.

Step 2: Set Your Duration

How long should no contact last? There's no magic number, but here are evidence-based guidelines:

Pro tip: Start with a minimum commitment. Saying "I won't contact them for 30 days" is easier to stick to than "I'm never talking to them again." You can always extend later.

For more guidance on timing, read about choosing the right duration.

Should you tell your ex?

This is debated. If you feel you need to, keep it brief and neutral:

"I need some space to process everything. I won't be in contact for a while. I hope you understand."

Don't:

• Over-explain
• Make it dramatic
• Leave room for negotiation
• Wait for their permission

Many people skip the announcement entirely. Silence speaks for itself.

Step 3: Remove Temptations

Here's the truth: willpower is a limited resource. The easier you make no contact, the more likely you'll stick to it.

Phone:

• Delete their number (you probably have it memorized anyway)
• Archive or delete text conversations
• Remove them from favorites and speed dial

Social media:

• Mute or unfollow—don't block immediately (blocking can seem reactive)
• Log out of accounts if you're tempted to stalk
• Consider a temporary social media break entirely

Physical reminders:

• Box up photos and gifts—you don't have to throw them away, just remove them from sight
• Change your phone wallpaper if it's a photo of them
• Avoid "your" spots for the first few weeks

Your environment:

• Tell close friends you're doing no contact so they don't accidentally bring up your ex
• Have a distraction plan ready for vulnerable times (late nights, weekends)

Step 4: Handle Practical Matters

Real life doesn't always allow for clean breaks. Here's how to handle the messy stuff:

Shared items:

• Exchange belongings ONCE, early in no contact
• Keep it brief, business-like, and preferably through a third party
• If items aren't important, let them go—your peace matters more than a hoodie

Shared bills or finances:

• Handle necessary communication via email only (not text—too casual)
• Keep messages strictly transactional
• Set up automatic payments where possible to reduce contact needs

Shared lease or living situation:

• This is the hardest scenario—consider modified no contact
• Minimize interaction: different schedules, separate spaces
• Work toward separating living situations as soon as feasible

Children together:

• Children are the one legitimate exception to strict no contact
• Communicate ONLY about the children—schedules, health, school
• Use a co-parenting app to keep communication structured
• Never use your children as messengers or spies

Workplace:

• Keep it professional and minimal
• Don't discuss the relationship with coworkers
• If possible, request different projects or shifts temporarily

What Counts as Breaking No Contact?

Let's get specific about the rules—and the grey areas.

Definite violations:

✗ Texting them (even "just checking in") ✗ Calling them ✗ Responding to their messages (in most cases) ✗ Liking or commenting on their social media ✗ Asking mutual friends about them ✗ Showing up somewhere hoping to see them ✗ Sending a "happy birthday" text (yes, really—it's an excuse)

Grey areas:

If you slip up: Don't spiral. One broken moment doesn't erase your progress. Acknowledge it happened, understand why, and recommit. Don't use one slip as an excuse to abandon the whole effort.

The First Week: Surviving the Urge

The first 7 days are the hardest. Your brain is literally going through withdrawal.

What to expect:

• Day 1-2: Shock, disbelief, maybe some relief
• Day 3-4: The urge to reach out peaks—this is when most people break
• Day 5-7: Waves of sadness, anger, and loneliness

Survival strategies:

1. Fill the void Your ex took up mental and emotional space. Fill it with something else:

• Reconnect with friends you may have neglected
• Start a project you've been putting off
• Exercise—it genuinely helps regulate emotions

2. Feel the feelings Don't numb out with alcohol, rebounds, or constant distraction. Let yourself grieve. Cry if you need to. Journal. The only way out is through.

3. Create friction When the urge hits, force yourself to wait 24 hours. Most urges pass. Write what you want to say in a notes app instead of sending it.

4. Have an emergency contact Text a friend instead of your ex. You can get 24/7 support with NoContact AI when friends aren't available and you need someone to talk you through a weak moment.

5. Track your progress Some people find it helpful to mark each day of no contact. Watching those numbers grow creates momentum.

What If They Contact You First?

This will test your resolve. Here's how to handle it:

If it's a breadcrumb (vague texts like "hey" or "thinking of you"):

• Don't respond. Breadcrumbs aren't meaningful—they're testing if you're still available.

If it's an apology or "I miss you":

• Still don't respond immediately. Wait at least 24 hours.
• Ask yourself: Is this genuine change, or just loneliness?
• If you're not ready, it's okay to continue no contact.

If it's an emergency:

• Respond briefly if genuinely urgent (medical, family crisis)
• Return to no contact immediately after

If it's practical (returning items, shared responsibilities):

• Keep response minimal and business-like
• Don't let it become a conversation

The test question: Before responding to anything, ask: "Will replying help my healing or set it back?"

Starting the no contact rule after a breakup is one of the hardest things you'll do. You're choosing short-term pain for long-term peace. You're betting on yourself instead of clinging to what was.

It won't feel good at first. You'll question if you're doing the right thing. You'll have moments where you almost break.

But here's what's waiting on the other side: clarity. Strength. The version of you that doesn't need someone else to feel whole.

You've got this.

For guidance on what comes next, learn about deciding when to end no contact.